Poems about VLOOKUPS. Whatever next?

Just a quick post, this, and it isn’t going to make you any better at Excel.

It’ll make the world a more cheery, whacky and weird place, though, that much we can guarantee.

Presenting the world’s first ever, one and only… (drum roll, please)…

Ode To Vlookup:



How do I love thee?

Let me count the ways …


The tens of thousands of records, nay,

The now 1,048,576 potential records per sheet,

A full 16,384 potential fields wide,

Would be a mountain of bad data

Too high to climb…


Whether tracking statewide underground facility excavation violations,

National subcontractors’ software bug fixes,

Or hospital CFOs’ every financial metric desires,

My eyes grew weary and my fingers waxed numb

With every scroll up and down those endless records,

Scanning for that needle of a matching value

In a towering haystack of a list -

Over and over and over again.


–Kip J. 

This is from the otherwise-quite-sober Excel blog over at Office Blogs. They usually are a pretty good site for figuring out stuff on the net about Excel, but we must say they have outdone themselves this time around.

Take a bow, all of ye.

And hey, if you feel the urge to wax lyrical about, say SUMPRODUCT, you know where to go.